Practices and Beliefs about Desire

[Freestarwins]

What practices focus on gaining clarity on desires and how would you describe them in how it is approached ?
I am also open to ideas around where desires come from? and genuine desires vs illusions based on limiting beliefs etc

 

[Reynard]

I'd definitely recommend automatic writing. Clear your mind, and doodle randomly, or focus on a question like "What could I do right now if no one would judge me for it?", or think about a specific desire... and then write for ten minutes without censoring anything, without caring about your spelling or grammar, without correcting any mistakes. Write random words if you have to, or just scribble. You might end up with gobbledegook, stream of conscious, or some insight from the higher-plane

I tend to do this after a late-night booze session with my partner or friends, when I'm tired and drunk, when I have no natural filter. It's always interesting to read it back the next morning

Earlier this year, I carried out an exercise at work with my colleagues on stripping back surface desires. Basically, we each took a "surface" desire - like "I want a new car" or "I want to get it on with Scarlett Johansson" - and then we'd take it in turns to ask each other "Why? What would that give you?", repeatedly, digging deeper each time.

So it went from Scarlett Johansson to sexy time! to status to feeling respected to wanting to be worthy, stuff like that. It's a way of questioning yourself on whether the original desire is a true need or just a distraction.

And while this exercise was about desires, having reflected on it, I guess this could be used as a technique for limiting beliefs too?

And where do desires come from? That's a good question! I don't know... I guess culture probably has a lot to play in this. Maybe family, education - and social media, almost certainly. Basic stuff like desiring money and status and sex probably stems from evolution - the need to be fed, part of a group/family, and to procreate...

 

[Yazata]

automatic writing

Good one. Or maybe even film yourself with your phone and talk (just don't upload it to Instagram for likes)

 

[Olivia benette]

What practices focus on gaining clarity on desires and how would you describe them in how it is approached ?
I am also open to ideas around where desires come from? and genuine desires vs illusions based on limiting beliefs etc

This is an incredibly important topic to explore, as differentiating between conditioned illusions and actual, genuine desires is a massive turning point in any practice.

 

[HoldAll]

As @Olivia benette wrote, it's an incredibly important topic.

I wonder whether unmasking superficial desires as disguises for deep-seated psychological issues has ever worked for anyone in practice. So ok, craving that new shiny car is allegedly just a symptom of a lack of self-esteem. Does such an insight really help? And wouldn't that new shiny car go in fact a long way towards boosting your self-confidence? Unless you're a hermit or a monk, you have to navigate the stormy seas of desire somehow, for most of us it's a task that can't be avoided.

I'm currently reading various books on yoga and Buddhism, and of course they all stress the ideal of being frugal and free from desire, with lots of examples where the fulfillment of desires (also in romantic relationships!) only leads to more frustration and misery. I have to say I don't entirely buy it. Being frugal and free from strong desires may grant you more autonomy in your decisions but only when you've genuinely arrived at a point in your spiritual development where such cravings have disappeared by themselves; the average reader, however, will only repress his or her desires and play pretend in order to conform with those ideas, with predictable results.

Another strategy which some advocate is dissociation. It's popular with spiritual seekers who've already developed some self-awareness and consequently are able to take stock of their drives and urges. It can be a useful ability to have but it can also become a trap. It has frequently been an infuriating experience for me personally whenever I discovered what's truly going on inside me while being utterly helpless to do anything about it, and that's why I don't such a great store by mere insights anymore - "Cool realisation, dude, but is it actionable?" It's the illusion of control that's so enticing and treacherous. You can employ your sweet reason to disentangle the motives behind your desires but influencing or even transforming them is quite another matter.

There's this NewAge platitude "I have emotions but I am not my emotions." Yes, you are. A huge part of your personality is defined by your likes and dislikes, and claiming that deep down, you're this wise, calm and enlightened person simply means lying to yourself - dissociation at work yet again.

The Buddhist approach to dealing with desire varies according to school - frequently the analogy of the poisonous plant is used:

Theravada: avoid the poisonous plant or cut it off.
Mahayana: confront it and root it out to prevent it from growing back, find an appropriate antidote.
(Tantric) Vajrayana: devour the plant and transmute its poison into enlightenment energy.

The Tantric approach is frequently quoted but it's a very advanced practice in Tibetan Buddhism, and monks are required to work through the previous two stages as part of their training first. Basically it's Freudian sublimation, and I'm not very confident it can work as a deliberate intervention, Freud's idea looks more like an involuntary coping strategy to me. I must say I don't trust modern psychology in this respect anymore, Hinduism and Buddhism go deeper and pay more attention to the subleties involved, in my opinion.